Well, folks, I've been very bad again. In fact, I've been so bad that I've been awarded this wonderful trophy by the Back Fence Cat Club. Until recently, I wasn't doing much out of the ordinary - you know - picking fights with all and sundry, stealing food - just the usual diversions in life.
Well, a few days ago, Meowmie gave me my breakfast and let me outside for a run around. It was a nice day, but a bit chilly, so I soon felt hungry and demanded to come in again and have another snack. Meowmie let me in, but the food she offered wasn't really up to the standard I require, so I demanded to go out again, to get a proper meal.
There are lots of houses in the neighbourhood where I can get a tasty snack. I decided to go up the road where a couple of my feline acquaintances live. I can't really call them friends, because we're forever fighting. Their cat flap is a tight squeeze, but there are usually rewards to be had the other side. However, this time, something was different - very different. I couldn't get the cat flap to open. So I pushed harder and harder and finally headbutted it as hard as I could. There was this dreadful cracking sound but the flap opened - mission accomplished! I pushed my way through, discarding most of the broken bits of cat flap behind me, but then I realised that the main frame was stuck round my middle. I raced round and round the kitchen, and eventually managed to free myself.
Then I went straight to the food bowl. It had just been filled, so there was plenty for me. There was also a lovely drink of fresh milk, which was delicious. Meowmie doesn't let me have milk any more - says I may have an allergy or something. Anyway, I like to eat on my own, so I wouldn't let the other cats come to the bowl until I'd finished. There was one problem however. The kitties' humans are away on holiday, and they had a catsitter, who had been told that I came and visited. She heard the noise and came to see what all the fuss was about. She was very very cross when she saw the broken catflap and the food all gone, and said I was a pest.
She tried to mend the catflap with tape, and then wrote a note to my Meowmie and Daddy saying what a bad kitty I was, how I was always stealing food and drinking milk and how I'd broken the cat flap. I did my best to stop her bringing the note to Meowmie and Daddy's house. I tried to trip her up several times, but it didn't work. Meowmie and Daddy said I was a very bad, bad kitty, and I would have to stay indoors until they had decided what to do about my badness. They mentioned taking me to the v*t to discuss my "behavioural problems". Also, I wasn't to have any kitty treats for a week, as they felt they ought to offer to pay for a new catflap. I don't see why - it's a lot easier to get in and out now I've "adjusted" it! You think they'd be grateful to me for my hard work! Still, it's not too bad being in the house. Meowmie and Daddy have several rugs on the floor that need a lot of killing (rugs can be very savage, you know!), lots of cupboards that need investigating, and of course, if I get bored there's always the fridge - Meowmie keeps that very well stocked with lots of delicious goodies...
One mean dude, Otis
Otis' Acceptance Speech
This account first appeared on the Back Fence Cat Club's Bad Bad Kitty Page.
