Bad, Bad Kitty Otis

The December 1997 Winner of the BFCC Bad Bad Kitty Award

I've been a bad, bad kitty just recently. It was about three weeks ago now, when one afternoon Meowmie told me to go outside and play nicely, because she was very busy cooking and cleaning the house as her parents were coming to stay for the weekend. Well, I quite like her parents, but they will bring that black d*g with them, so I wasn't in the best of moods.

I did go out and play, but not exactly nicely. One of my greatest enemies crossed my path that afternoon, and I wasn't going to let that opportunity pass. We had a bit of a fight, and although I saw him off my patch, he managed to rip my ear - a minor inconvenience, really.

I went back home, as I was feeling a bit hungry by this time and I reckoned Meowmie would be cooking something delicious. I was right - she was making a fish pie. I grabbed the largest piece and ignoring her screams of protest, ran off with it. Eventually, she caught me, and that's when she noticed my ear.  She seemed quite worried, and telephoned the v*t, but was told they were full that evening. I breathed a sigh of relief, I would be able to wear my ear like a trophy, but then Meowmie was told that if she could get me to the branch surgery, they could see us there.

Meowmie then rang Daddy at work and told him he had to come home and take me to the v*t, as her parents were due to arrive in about 10 minutes, and she had to stay and welcome them. Daddy said a very rude word - really, these humans have no finesse - the least little thing upsets them. Anyway, Meowmie bundled me into my cage and Daddy had to drive me through all the rush hour traffic to get to the v*ts. I don't like being in my cage, so I yelled all the way!

Well, the v*t examined me, poking and proding me in all the most intimate places, so I swore at her and tried to bite the nurse. Daddy was very apologetic, particularly when the v*t said they'd take me back to the main surgery, stitch up my ear and keep me in overnight.

I don't remember anything more until I woke up in a cage with this white plastic collar thing on my head. No Meowmie or Daddy, no soft bed to stretch out on and NO TELEVISION!. Well, I wasn't going to put up with this, so I yelled for the rest of the night, and swore at all the nurses whenever they came near me. I don't think they were very happy, but I'd decided that if I couldn't sleep, then no one else was going to, either!

Meowmie came to take me home the next morning, and the nurse warned her that I was "rather cross". Well, wouldn't you be? I spent the rest of Saturday sleeping on Meowmie and Daddy's bed, and watching TV and hoping it was all over. Then, Meowmie and Daddy tried to give me some tablets. Well, I'm not stupid, you can smell them a mile off, whatever the v*t says about the antibiotics being *palatable*.  I won't take them unless they're crushed up in no fewer than 6 prawns. They tried to cut me down because it was "too expensive" or something, but I just tipped everything off the plate with my paw and walked away. They must think I can't count or something!

Very early Sunday morning I was full of beans. Meowmie and Daddy wanted to sleep, but I wanted them to amuse me - well that's what humans are for, isn't it! I went to Meowmie's side of the bed and yelled until she woke up. Meowmie said she was very tired, what with having guests and all the worry about me, and wouldn't I go to sleep. Well, I wouldn't, so she got up and gave me something to eat. I wouldn't touch the cat food or the tuna, so eventually we settled for some more prawns. Eventually I agreed to go to sleep, but only if I could stretch out in the middle of the bed, with her and Daddy clinging onto the sides!

That was nearly three weeks ago now, and I've fully recovered now and I can go outside and play again. Today, however, Meowmie and Daddy got the bill for my ear. Their one comment was it was just as well they had insurance for me!  I'm a bad, bad, kitty, I am!

The End

Otis' Acceptance Speech

I am honoured to have become a member of this elite group, and would like to thank every  kitty who voted. My Meowmie would like to add that this has confirmed what she suspected for some time now, that I'm not just a "naughty" kitty, but a truly bad kitty! My ear is completely better now, although a little ragged round the edge. Still, I wear it with pride, as I now have a reputation to live up to! You can all be sure that I will do my very best to ensure my behaviour is always appropriate to that of a bad kitty contest winner!

This account first appeared on the Back Fence Cat Club's Bad Bad Kitty Page. All Bad Bad Kitty pictures on this page by Henry Von Tudor. Reproduced here by kind permission.