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The human, my feline friends, is a most
useful creature. When properly trained to perform the duties
we require of them, they become a most useful accessory to
any cat establishment.The human can be trained with
kindness, firmness when needed, and above all patience. Some
humans are a little slow at understanding us, but a quick
nip is usually all that is required if they are being
slow.Now, my friends, remember your main assets; your teeth,
your claws and your voice. In a well trained human, using
your voice should be all that is required - they should be
able to anticipate our needs.
Make sure you attain a wide repertoire of
calls and demands. That way, they should easily be able to
distinguish between the demand for milk and the demand for a
door to be opened. If, by chance they should get it wrong,
or try and serve you some inferior food item, simply throw
it on the floor, give a disdainful look, and repeat your
vocal demand. (Note - if your human tries to feed you an
inferior form of tinned food, try and get as much as
possible to go on the walls of the kitchen. It sticks like
glue, and they'll spend ages trying to get it off. A most
worthwhile lesson, and they are unlikely to repeat the
mistake.) It's important that your human realises right from
the start that only the best will do.
Sometimes, the human is slow to respond to your voice.
Then, they need a little persuasion. Here, the claws come in
useful. If your meowmie has long hair, then try and position
yourself fairly high up - on a kitchen work top for example.
Then, if she bends down, or comes close enough, give a few
sharp tugs on her hair. This is usually remarkably effective
at concentrating her mind, and ensuring you are attended to
straight away.
Now, a word on sleeping arrangements.
Obviously you need a soft, warm area with room to stretch
right out and roll over if necessary. The place where your
meowmie and daddy sleep is usually the nicest. You should
appropriate this, and be sure to let them know that it is
only from the kindness of your heart that you are letting
them share it with you. A note on waking a sleeping human -
try the gentle way first. Purr loudly in your meowmie's ear
- this will normally be all that is necessary. If the
response is a bit slow, then give a smart nip to a finger or
toe. It is important your humans realise that they should be
on call 24 hours a day to tend to your needs and desires.
The benefits of a well-trained human are well worth the
initial effort, and your work will be rewarded with a
lifetime of devoted service.
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